I cut my penus on the lid.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
