yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
