I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
