He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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