The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
