please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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