you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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