those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize