I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize