Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
