I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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