3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
