When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
