So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
