apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
