If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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