i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
