to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
