so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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