Got a toothbrush?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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