Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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