Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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