Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
