i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
