YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
