NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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