Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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