I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
worst night to have a conscience
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
