i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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