If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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