Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
