Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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