I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
