Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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