For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
