I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she told me i tasted like america
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
