Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
