Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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