smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
