im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
