sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no you cant smoke seaweed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize