My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My penis needs a shock collar
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
