I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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