I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
