I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
