i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
