Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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