Yo dont text me then not text me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
