just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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