Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
