i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
