You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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