Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
