Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
