Don't make out with my wife yet
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
