Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
