She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
