Someone shit on the floor
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
