We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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