Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
