Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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