Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
