She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
