i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize