At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
