Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
