and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
